Depressive Insight

...okay, this might be a short ride in a fast machine now that some insight is dawning. We shall see.

Thanks for those of you on Twitter who have wished me well!

The trick for me is not trying to figure out how I became depressed. This is so overdetermined, and it's in the past: however I got into the ditch, some kind of ignorance was happening, which is enough of a reason. Ignorance meaning not attending to my basic being. (Perhaps this is just a Buddhist rule of thumb but most bad stuff seems to be the result of that sort of thing.)

The point for me is not to look back and ruminate but instead to try to discern what the depression is telling me about what needs to happen next, as if it's a kind of message in a bottle from the future. I think I heard the message right. More on that in a next post.

But I'm totally misspelling words, sometimes even writing them backwards. I think there is definitely a migraine on its way. I'm now having a fairly common aura in which I can see the underside of the motherboard, if you know what I mean. You don't do you?? That's a good thing, maybe...it's actually not too upsetting but if I describe it, it will only seem like a lysergic hallucination.

Oh all right. Seeming to float just below the surface of objects, there is a sort of filigree network of semi-luminous mandala-like patterns everywhere. Don't shoot the messenger! : )