Nature is not natural and can never be naturalized — Graham Harman

Friday, December 2, 2011

Psychedelic Death

After you Die, You See This...

When I awoke this morning it was to the telltale rushing sound that indicates that part of my CPAP machine that pushes air into my lungs was disconnected. The new tube is a little loose at one end.

Then I remembered my dream. It was the beginning of an after-death phowa (ejection of consciousness) dream: another telltale sign I wasn't breathing right. (I have sleep apnea and if you search for apnea in the search bar you'll find my posts about that.)

In my dream I was eating pieces of huge magic mushrooms (!) and was repurchasing copies of Dungeons and Dragons books: the Monster Manual, Deities and Demigods, and Player's Handbook (see above). Yes, glowing demonic faces with horns, riiighht....

At the time I recall thinking: I'm not tripping hard enough to be completely absorbed in the trip—should I eat more or just leave it? This coincides, I think, with having just enough air to remain breathing (semi-breathing), rather than the full on out-of-body dreams I was having every night at one point a couple of years ago.

I mean every few minutes my brain would dump its DMT and I would go into a world of pulsing colors and strange alien beings. According to the brain scan I had I was only in REM for 2 minutes a night for over 15 years—yet those few moments a night felt like thousands of years. Sometimes on waking the pulsations would continue in my visual field, I mean, really vivid: animated Yukultji Napangati (search for her name in the bar). In the dreams I would meet my Buddhist teacher and he would explain that I had just died, and how to meditate in the after death state (bardo). Every night. It was relentless!

I almost miss them...but being alive is quite nice : )

No comments: