How to Plan a Ph.D. 3: What a Dissertation Isn't

A dissertation isn't a book, nor is it an essay, a paper, or a long MA thesis. Why?

Sure, dissertations are longer than papers. But that's not the real reason why they're different. Read on.

A book is a self-contained product that people are willing to pay money for. Each chapter is a journey from A to B (or at least to not-A). A dissertation is a transitional object that turns you from student to expert (see my previous posts). A dissertation chapter is a dumpster full of information and ideas. It's a totally different beast.

An essay is a short piece of writing that says ONE thing, very convincingly. It is published in a journal, which has (for structural reasons I shall argue later) to be slightly behind the curve. A dissertation chapter is a long piece that is necessarily ahead of the curve. (Why do it otherwise?)

A paper is a collection of ideas that encourage discussion, a snapshot of your latest research. Audience participation is built in. A dissertation chapter is an introverted, introspective, messy beast that goes on talking way after everyone has left the room. Papers are hysterics. Dissertations have Asperger's.

An MA thesis is a survey from a height. (A BA thesis is even higher up—very little digging is required.) A dissertation has its nose to the ground and is the most menial task you've ever done in your life. You descend from the Parnassus of the honors thesis to the bathroom janitor role of Ph.D writer. Are you ready to find pleasure in that? Check yourself. You will be cleaning the toilet floor with a toothbrush for the next three years and almost no one will care. Are you able to rewire your pleasure circuits accordingly?